Black Friday, Paris, and The Shelter

It was one week ago tonight that Team Williams sat around the table after dinner and contemplated what we could do for the people of Paris. It didn’t take long for seven-year old Lydia to say, “We could send them cards.” Then five-year old Abby said, “And how about some money to buy new clothes.” Araya Sunshine astutely asked the girls who they wanted to write to. Eight-year-old Gracelyn thought for a moment and said, “I want to write to the man whose wife died, and he has a little boy.” The man’s name is Antoine Leiris. He wrote an open letter on Facebook that has gone viral and inspired millions of people with hope, courage, and love. Antoine's Letter Araya and the girls got out crayons, pens and paper while I tried to find information for Antoine Leiris. This was Team Williams = Teamwork Time. In one hour the girls had each made a touching card, and I had contacted the embassy. I haven’t been able to get an address for Mr. Leiris yet, but I am extremely determined to get these gifts to him.

 I am confident that love finds a way to get where it needs to go.

The conversation at the table inspired even more generosity as Team Williams turned to chatting about Black Friday. Although Black Friday shopping has never been one of our traditions, I am certainly not against it. I have a lot of wonderful friends who love it. They stay up late, drink tons of hot chocolate and coffee, find great deals, and make a bunch of memories.

This year on Black Friday we decided to make some Team Williams memories by starting a tradition called “Giveaway Friday.”

We got our hot chocolate, we got our coffee, and we started going through all of our clothes to see what we might give away. Two hours and two boxes of clothing later we needed to figure out where to take our clothes. We had lots of ideas, but we wanted Love to show us who needed these clothes the most.

Love showed us who needed our clothes at a Thanksgiving dinner with our friend Danielle.

Our friend Danielle had just discovered a domestic violence shelter right near her home. Many of the women and children in this shelter had left violent home situations with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Giving our clothes to the shelter was a no-brainer. I contacted the shelter and coordinated a drop-off time while the girls added a few toys and books to the boxes of clothes. We paused before giving the items to the shelter and prayed for the kids and moms who would receive them. Crystal, the shelter manager, was grateful and said these things would help a lot of women and children. We were thankful as we drove away and remembered that love finds a way to get where it needs to go.

So what about you? What if your family started a new tradition this holiday season?

Take some time on a car ride or after a meal and ask your kids what they want to do. Kids always have the best ideas. If you come up with a cool new tradition let us know because maybe we’ll borrow it from you. If you don’t have any kids, call us: you can borrow ours. They are really cool. And never forget that wherever you are at, or whatever you are doing, Love finds a way to get where it needs to go.

Are you ever at a loss as to what to say to your children?

I am a bit old school in that I really like to watch the evening news. I know there are faster ways of getting news these days, but as a child of the 80’s there is probably some nostalgia in watching TV in real time. My eight-year old daughter Gracelyn has decided she likes watching the news as well, so last Saturday night we snuggled in side- by-side to hear all about the events of the day from NBC’s Lester Holt. Immediately the news about bombings, ISIS, and death in Paris dominated the storyline. With a wrinkled brow and a look of confusion Gracelyn asked,

“Daddy what happened?”

I froze for a moment, because I was faced with a decision to make.  Should I turn off the TV? Should I change the channel? Should I tell her a lie to protect her? Should I just let the news roll and allow her to figure it out?

What do we do when our kids are exposed to the worst this world has to offer?

I turned off the nightly news and said, “Gracelyn, some bad things have happened in a place called Paris, France. Some people have died, and others have been hurt very badly. What do you think we should do?”

She thought for moment, and said, “I think we should pray for them.”

Sometimes we as adults don’t know what to do with the worst the world has to offer. It can stir up fear, anxiety, or cynicism in us. I think that’s why Jesus says in one form or another, “Do not be afraid!” twenty-one times in the Gospels.

We know that love trumps fear every time, but sometimes love needs a plan.

Araya and I know we are better together, so that night with the kids in bed we came up with a plan.

1 – We decided to have a “Team Williams” family meeting the next night after dinner.

2 – We decided to preview the newscast and find a piece we could watch as a family

3 – When we watched the news piece we decided to follow the advice of Mr. Rogers who said,

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

4 – We decided to pray for everyone, including our enemies.

5 – We decided to find something practical to do for the people of Paris.

In gathering together for our family meeting each of the girls were able to find “the helpers.” Five-year old Abigail saw people protecting each other. Six-year old Lydia noticed flowers and candles, while eight-year old Gracelyn saw people hugging and praying for each other.

 We are having another family meeting tonight so we can decide what we are going to do for the people of France. Write letters to the families? Send money to an agency helping victims? I don’t know what practical thing we are going to do yet, but I do know that what sociologist Brene Brown says is true:

“Kids are hard-wired for struggle.”

Kids can handle difficult things, and we can learn from them. Sometimes children have the most beautiful ideas, and they pray the most beautiful prayers, prayers that bring heaven down to earth. We certainly shouldn’t process every evil of the world with our children, but I trust you to know what they are ready for. Sometimes, love needs a plan. I’ll let you know what our plan is next Sunday, but here are two questions that might help you with your plan.

1 – Do you ever have family meetings? Consider having a time together as a family when you need to discuss something hard, or celebrate something big. No technology and no distractions. Everyone gets heard, everyone listens, and everyone is valued.

2 – Araya Sunshine and I know we are always better together. Set an appointment with your spouse or significant other and have an honest conversation about whether you are really together on your parenting.

What's your rallying cry?

Every player on the Oregon Ducks football team slaps a sign above their head as they take the field for home games. The sign says, “Win the Day.” This mantra has become a rallying cry for the team, fans, and coaches. According to former Ducks head coach Chip Kelly this is what it means: "To me, it means you take care of what you can control, and what we can control is today," Kelly said. "I think people too often look way down the road - you know, 'I want to do this, I want to do that, I want to be conference champion, national champion.' If you don't take care of today, that's not going to happen."

Whether you love football, hate football, love the Ducks, or hate the Ducks, their football team won more games (60!) than any team in the country between 2010-2014.

What about you? Does your family have a rallying cry? And do they know what this cry means?

I remember the day our rallying cry hit us. Team Williams was on our way to the Simonka House women’s shelter to serve as a family. We were getting ready to load into our 1999 Suburban, known as Big Blue, when we stopped to pray for the women we were about to meet. At the end of the prayer we put our hands in the middle like a team getting ready to take the field. I decided to finish us us off with a Team Williams cheer. We pushed our hands down in unison as we all yelled “Team Williams!” The unexpected beauty of kids’ minds at work kicked in, and as we brought our hands up into the air our three girls all yelled “Teamwork!” My wife and I looked at each other with a big grin, and it stuck.

Team Williams = Team Work. Team work for us means that everyone participates, everyone benefits, and everyone sacrifices. Believe me, we are not all work and no play, but the idea that our family is a team, and our team has work to do has been awesome. After our time making new friends with the women at the homeless shelter, we decided that Christmas day would be a day for team work as well.

Enter Christmas Day. Some big-hearted friends of ours named DJ and Gabby started a Christmas program called “Room at The Inn.” Room at the Inn provides two nights lodging with amazing meals, inspiring messages, new jackets, and games galore for 80 homeless folks at a camp just outside Salem, Oregon. Room at the Inn finishes up on Christmas day, and they needed people to come in and help clean up camp. This was a time for, “Team Williams, Team Work.” We woke up on Christmas morning for biscuits and gravy, stockings, and presents. Then we loaded into Big Blue and headed over to Room at the Inn.

We cleaned tables, picked up garbage and swept floors with our little family of five. It would have been easier to simply stay at home that morning, and it would have been easier to just let the kids play while Araya Sunshine and I do the cleaning work, but that’s not who we are, that’s not what our rallying cry is about. 

Jesus said, “Truly whatever you did for one of the least of these of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”

With Thanksgiving here and Christmas just around the corner, there is plenty of need all around us. The rallying cry has helped our family be more intentional, have more fun, and live a better story. The Oregon Ducks chose "Win The day" Team Williams chose "Team Work." Now it is your turn, what are you going to choose?  Here are two questions that might help you.

1. What makes your family unique? Our family has a strong athletic background, so that’s why our rallying cry fits us. Your rallying cry should fit your family.

2. What is one thing your family can do together this holiday season? Rallying cries often surface as you do something together.

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Hey Dads, wanna have more fun, and live a Better Story?

I am convinced that some of the best family stories happen in the kitchen. Whether it is preparing dinner, doing dishes, or opening the fridge for the fifth time to see if that meat lover’s pizza has suddenly appeared. It just seems to be a place where things happen. In fact, a kitchen conversation with my five-year old daughter Lydia changed my life, and taught me that if I wanted to thrive as dad, I needed to think like a child.

Lydia and I were getting ready to rummage through the fridge for an afternoon snack when she suddenly blurted out, “Dad, I want to start a store for homeless people.” Yes, a store, and yes for homeless people.

“Dad, I want to start a store for homeless people.”

Now, as I stood in the kitchen processing what I just heard, I had a choice to make on how I would respond. I could be a well-trained, and well-educated parent who explains to her that homeless people don’t have money for her store.  I could acknowledge her "cute"idea and move on to something more rational, or I could engage with her right where she was at.

With a bucket of grace and a little luck I responded by saying, “That’s a great idea Lydia, what would you have at the store?”

Lydia says very matter of factly, “Food.”

I ask her, “Would they have to pay for the food?”

She says, “Oh no, they could just get it for free.”

She was serious and determined, and grace struck me again as I said, “Would you have to start your own store? Because I have a friend with a store just like that, what do you think about working at his store?’

Lydia tracks right with me and says, “Oh sure we could do that.”

Lydia wanted to talk with my friend Kyle who worked with the Union Gospel Mission so I dialed him up and handed the phone over. I couldn’t wait to see how the conversation would go, and I can only say that standing there live did not disappoint.

Kyle says, “Hello” and my determined daughter says, “This is Lydia, I want to work at your store.” I can barely make out Kyle’s response as my five-year-old Mother Teresa presses the phone tighter to her ear, but he says, “What store?’ With the vigor of a Marine Sargeant she says, “You tell me, it’s YOUR store!”

As I heard Kyle laughing I took the phone back for some more laughs and then we talked about how our family, affectionately known as "Team Williams" could help homeless people at his store.

In turns out that we couldn’t serve food because of some restrictions, but Kyle did have a huge need for people to help with the weekly chapel at their women’s shelter called the Simonka House. It was just the right fit for ‘Team Williams.’ Our three girls did a dance routine they learned at a summer camp, my wife Araya played guitar, and I gave a message. We met new friends like Angel, and Tanya, and Jean. We headed back to the Simonka House again, and our daughters went to a birthday party for one of the little girls. A few months later we got to bless a single mom with a dryer for her new home after she was able to leave the Simonka House. Jesus said,

“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

And on the blog, I will be sharing more great stories that have come from that kitchen conversation, like starting a “store for homeless people.” But they are stories that would have never been told if I would have used my adult mind to engage with Lydia. As a dad who wants to be more intentional, have more fun, and live a better story with my family, I had to think like a child.

So this week, when your child or grandchild tells you they want to start a “store for homeless people.” Pause for a moment, don’t give your first answer, think like a child, and see what adventure it takes you on.